Spending a summer in a car with Kris provided many
opportunities for laughter. The truth
is, he’s a funny guy. The unique part of
this trip was that I decided to spend time scribing turns of phrase that I
would later dub “Kriserisms”. (I derive this from the word mannerisms. I know there are a lot of "isms" out there and this could easily be called Krisisms, but I don't feel like it's as easy to read.)
Truth is…I
might be the only person to find these funny.
Without further ado, here are some Kriserisms from the
summer of 2015.
·
“Need a rest stop? <pause> I hope not…because it’s closed.”
o
I (Kristy) might have the smallest bladder known
to man, so Kris was often keeping his eyes peeled for a rest stop, especially
if it had been a while since the last one.
This one teased us.
·
“I feel greasy and minty.”
o
Said after I put peppermint essential oil on his
head since he had a headache. I felt terrible
after some of it dripped into his eye.
·
“I don’t have to be careful.”
o
This has been Kris’s favorite phrase, but I
abhor it. Any time I say “careful” about
anything, this is Kris’s response.
·
“If a bear’s chewing on you, punch it in the
face.”
o
We were going to bear country, and I was asking
how we could protect ourselves. This was
Kris’s advice.
·
“This is exactly how I envisioned our vacation.”
o
I was part of a FitBit challenge during the
vacation, and I had to get at least 10,000 steps a day. This meant I was often taking steps in the
tent before going to bed. This was said
during one of these moments.
·
“#1 Thing to do in Cheyenne (Wyoming): rodeo.
#2 thing: Welcome Center. Hmmmm….”
·
“I like this road. It’s very straight.”
·
“Should we tune to 100FM? Just a repeating loop of ‘Good luck’.”
·
“Every day you have all you can eat trout.”
o
Said to me after passing up a restaurant with
all you can eat trout. Because I’m
allergic, Kris pointed out that every day for me is all you can eat fish day.
·
“I can talk about physics, but I can’t put on a
pull-over.”
o
Kris after he put on his pull-over backwards for
the second or third time.
·
“If you ever see a sign that says, ‘Do not
spread jam on bread while driving’ that was me.
Sorry.”
·
“If Facebook sees me in my doofy hat, it thinks
I’m dad.”
o
Kris has a funny looking hikers hat. If he’s wearing it in a photo, Facebook asks
if he wants to tag his dad.
·
“I like pavement.”
·
“Do you have some oil you can rub on your face
for that?”
o
Said any time anything went wrong or anything
hurt after the peppermint oil debacle.
·
“I need a break from scenery so scenery becomes
impressive again.”
o
We saw some amazing places.
·
“I miss underwear.”
o
I wish I remembered why he said this.
·
“My plan for San Francisco is...I’m going to
walk around for 3 days asking people where I can get some Rice-a-Roni.”
·
“No Welcome to California sign. Just 60 signs telling you what’s not allowed
and an inspection station doing profiling.”
·
“It’s still cheaper than going to a laundromat
in Reno.”
So this is just an accounting of some of the funny things my
husband said on vacation.
He tried to collect some Kristyisms, but the only funny
thing I said all trip was during our second or third day of camping.
It was raining every night on us in the tent,
so I wasn’t able to go to the bathroom at leisure, plus making/taking down the
tent was a pain. I apparently woke up
one morning, groaned, and immediately covered my head. When Kris asked what was wrong, I replied,
“Too much camping.” Since it was only
2-3 days into what would be many more weeks of camping, Kris cracked up. This phrase has become part of our
vocabulary. We use it whenever we’re
generally just frustrated with no real reason why.
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